Living In Lucid Dreams - Part 3

[hildigunnur]

Part 3

Previous part

“You know, this calls for a big freaking road trip, an epic road trip.”

“Chris, San Antonio is only like five hours away. We could technically head out there in the morning and be back for dinner.”

“You think you’ll square things off with lover boy in a couple of hours? No way. Plus I haven’t seen the Alamo. I’m totally going to see that.”

“It’s not huge, you can cover that in a couple of hours,” Jensen said and winked at Chris.

“So the plan is for you to show up and dazzle Jared right away while I pretend I’m Davy Crockett?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Even if you are magically and uniquely beautiful like a unicorn, I think we need a plan B, plus I might get bored with pretending being Davy Crockett, so I was thinking that we’d crash at Jason’s place. I’m sure he’s not adverse to letting branches of the old gang sleep on his couch.”

Jason had been in their gang some years ago. Jensen wasn’t sure how he’d ended up there, as he was even more mild-mannered than himself. It had been inevitable for him, seeing how he and Chris had known each other since they were eating sand at the playground but Jason had joined the fold around the time Jensen had dropped out of college. Then he had quietly disappeared from the fold when he moved to San Antonio. Jensen had even heard he was married now.

“You think Jason would mind putting up with us?”

“Dude, the guy has mentioned like a thousand times that any of the old gang is welcome.”

It was a no-brainer to crash at Jason’s place. It wasn’t like they would have endless money to burn and Jason was a cool enough guy. Still, Jensen’s mind went into the track it had been stuck in; having sex with Jared and how that would be problematic if there was no privacy on offer.

OK, there’s presuming and there’s presuming. Brain, please don’t get this far ahead.

“I’ve been thinking this over, Jen, and I think you need some sort of plan. Jared isn’t going to come running into your arms as soon as you cross the San Antonio city limits.”

He nodded, knowing that despite Jared’s tallness, San Antonio had over a million inhabitants and that was just the city area. Sure, he knew where the guy lived and worked but knowing that wasn’t going to be that helpful for him.

“You could always find him when he’s working outside and offer him a cold drink.”

“It might work in your porno but I doubt it’s the way to go for me,” said Jensen wearily. “I think we’ll just have to play this by the ear.”

Chris saw that somehow as an indicator to come up with as many ridiculous plans he could think off. When he had concocted a plan where he would kidnap (or whale-nap as it were) Shamu and Jensen would then pretend to save the killer whale and thus win the hearts of everyone, including Jared, Jensen decided that Chris had had quite enough beer for the night.

“God knows I might end up regretting this but thanks for offering to go with me, Chris.”

“No problem, I’ll pick up the pieces or cheer you on depending on how it will go.”

+++

Five days later they found themselves sitting in Jason’s rather nice living room. He’d obviously done well for himself or maybe it was the fiancée’s money. She, Hillary, was a designer and had a boutique downtown. Jason was a music teacher.

It had been unbelievably easy for Jensen to get time off. Phil, the director of Human Resources, had almost been willing to pack his suitcases for him as soon as he mentioned he might want a little time off. This had Tom’s and Mike’s fingerprints all over it, so he couldn’t feel anything else than gratitude, even when Mike made the effort to walk past his cubicle on the last day before the vacation and tell him in not-so-dulcet tones to bag that boy. Maybe he should be glad that everyone knew Mike was the company’s loudmouth and half of what came out of his mouth was nonsense.

Chris was talking wildly about his newest gig which was writing the score to an independent film and Jason was listening intently. Meanwhile Jensen was smiling politely at Hillary and raking his mind for conversation topics.

“So how did you meet Jason?” He finally asked when the smile started turning painful.

Hillary smiled indulgently and started explaining how she had noticed a tall, curly haired fellow walking past her store every day. Then she had seen him at a coffee house and spent at least the better part of an hour trying to indicate her interest in him until he finally seemed to catch on. It was a sweet story but Jensen was in no mood to appreciate it. Why were some people lucky enough to find the right person so easily? Just by making googly eyes at some coffee house?

“You married or involved with anyone?” Hillary asked, probably trying to be polite and turning the subject to him. Trying his best to swallow back all the sarcastic replies that came to mind, he forced his face into a pleasant smile.

“Not at the moment, no.”

“Oh, I thought perhaps … you and Chris maybe.”

Jensen smiled a genuine smile.

“Heh, no. Chris and I are just very old friends and Chris is as straight as they come.”

“And you are not?” Hillary asked wryly.

“I don’t think so.” He wasn’t sure he wanted to get into these things with someone he’d just met even though she seemed nice.

“You don’t think so?”

“Heh. Without going into detail, I kind of finally admitted to myself that I was attracted to men just recently.”

It felt weird but oddly liberating to be sharing this with someone he hardly knew. She didn’t seem to be the judging sort.

“So what made you admit this? Or is that too forward of me?”

“It’s kind of complicated. Let’s say there is this guy and I can’t forget him.”

Hillary had a knowing look on her face.

+++

Jensen had drawn a little map from the information he had on Jared. It contained the location of Jared’s apartment and the headquarters of the company he worked for amongst other things. The map was like a safety blanket in his pocket as he followed Chris along the River Walk. Chris took his role as a tourist very seriously; it was like he’d never been out of the Dallas area. The reality was that Chris was actually rather well-travelled and unlike Jensen he’d been oversees and done the whole backpacking in Europe thing. It had filled Jensen with envy but he still couldn’t find it within himself to go – do the careless thing for months on end. It probably stemmed from the fact that he had been, and still was, angry with himself about not seeing college through.

“I’m hungry,” said Chris and tugged at Jensen’s shirt sleeve like he was a five year old who wanted ice cream.

Jensen knew better than to make Chris suffered hunger and thirst and followed him into a little coffeehouse almost hidden behind a big tree right there on the River Walk.

Chris managed to order up half the menu while Jensen was happy just having some coffee. Then he started talking about how they had to go to the zoo to see the Okapi. Jensen simply rolled his eyes. He had the feeling that Chris was trying to keep him occupied so he wouldn’t turn into some crazed stalker. Fingering the map in his pocket, he wondered if Chris’s efforts weren’t already in vain. At some point he would find his way to Jared’s house and walk past it, at least.

He was so screwed.

“Are we going for a sail on the river?” Chris asked through a mouthful of a blueberry muffin.

“Well, if you want to go. At least it’s a better idea than that Segway thing you were so keen on earlier.” Jensen was in no mood to get himself killed on one of those things but Chris seemed to be more than willing to fork out large sums of money to die on some contraption that looked like it should only be allowed in circuses.

“Listen, Jen, you can’t just mope around, hoping to run into Jar … oh, fuck!” Chris’s eyes suddenly grew as round as saucers and his choice of exclamation meant that someone had just arrived at the coffeehouse he wasn’t pleased to see, like that girl he’d cheated on when they’d supposedly been engaged, what was her name, Sarah? Jensen turned around slowly to face the door and his heart stopped completely.

Sitting down at a table close to the door was Jared, looking very much like the mental image seared forever into his mind, and with him someone who had to be Milo.

He didn’t know for how long his staring lasted but Chris cleared his throat and he automatically turned away.

“Dude, and here I thought I had to keep you from stalking the poor guy’s home and then he just walks into the same coffeehouse we are at. It’s not like we are in Buttfuck, Nowhere.” Chris was leaning towards him and lowering his voice to a volume Jensen had barely ever heard Chris use.

“He’s not alone.”

“Jen, that can be fixed. Probably just by having you stand next to that boyfriend guy. He's not that hot.”

“Okay,” said Jensen, hoping that he wouldn’t start to hyperventilate. He was gripping the table now, forcing himself not to turn. Chris wasn’t helping by leaning close to him to see better and maybe to eavesdrop. Jensen could hardly hear a thing for his very loud heartbeat, vibrating through his body.

But he didn’t miss anything. Chris described everything like he was a sport commentator at a game.

“OK, they are talking about something. Your boy isn’t happy at all and the boyfriend dude is just talking, mostly with his hands, waving them around like he’s steering a plane in for a landing. Fuck, I must hear what they are saying.”

Chris leaned closer to Jensen, trying to hear the conversation.

“They are definitely fighting but your boy is trying to keep it low key. Oh …” There was a loud thump that even Jensen could hear over the din of his own heartbeat.

“At least there’s some temper in the boyfriend dude, he just smashed his fist on the table but it’s not making your boy any happier. He just said something and … OK, I think the boyfriend dude is leaving.” Chris moved a bit away from him and Jensen just had to turn around to see whether he was telling the truth.

Milo was getting up, still talking with his hands but Jared sat with his arms crossed over his chest and a closed look on his face. Jensen quickly turned around again, his heart still beating like he’d just run a marathon.

“Looks like not all is well in paradise,” said Chris and Jensen frowned at the suggestive tone in his voice. Like he'd be ready to walk up to Jared to and hit on him. Because he would be receptive for that just after fighting publicly with his boyfriend.

“Jen, seriously, go over there. Don’t be a pussy.” This got him angry enough to push his hand into Chris’s face in order to shut him up. He didn’t want to be there at this point in time, having Jared’s physical presence radiating just like the mental image of him had. In fact, he wished he’d had some kind of warning, a time to formulate a plan. Glaring at Chris who hadn’t made an effort to remove his hand, he noticed that Chris’s eyes had grown round so he automatically dropped his hand and turned his head to look where Chris was looking.

Jared was approaching their table with a determined stride and Jensen felt his mouth go completely dry. He must have noticed them staring and was coming to tell them off. His stomach fell, this was it then. Any chance he’d ever had was blown.

“Sorry, I know this is forward of me but … I kind of was wondering if I could get your opinion.”

Funny that, Jared’s voice is exactly like I remembered it.

Chris was all easy smiles, offering Jared a seat while Jensen tried his best to unfreeze himself so he wouldn’t sit there like he’d been cryopreserved.

“So yeah … where are my manners? My name is Jared Padalecki, pleased to meet you.” As soon as he’d taken a seat, he put his hand out to Chris who shook it and introduced himself.

When Jared put his hand out to Jensen it took him at least a couple of seconds to gain enough motor control to lift his hand. His vocal cords on the other hand took more time to get working.

“Sorry about him, his name is Jensen and I’m pretty sure he’s pleased to meet you.” Chris was clearly trying to buy him time and he probably should have been grateful but at the moment he felt irritated.

“Umm, yeah, the reason why I interrupted you … you know, you seem to be close and maybe …” It was hard to explain but hearing the obvious nervousness in Jared’s voice made Jensen feel a little bit better.

“Whoa, close? We are not together if that’s what you think.”

Jensen blushed at Chris’s outburst and felt his stomach twist when he saw the embarrassment on Jared’s face.

“Sorry, I just … I’m not wrong in assuming you two are good friends?”

In order to lessen the damage Chris had already caused, Jensen got his vocal cords working.

“Since we were in diapers.” He tried his best to smile but he was sure he’d given some sort of grimace instead.

“Cool. OK, so the reason why I need your help… I need an outsider opinion and I literally need to pounce on people in the streets for that. So you might have noticed that I was fighting with my boyfriend there.”

Jensen just nodded while giving Chris warning looks because it looked like he was going go off again.

“OK, this is a universal dilemma – not like some gay thing or anything,” Jared said with a cute embarrassed smile on his face.

As he kept on nodding, Jensen felt keenly aware of what Jared was saying.

“Milo, that’s my boyfriend, he’s doing his Ph.D. in English and I mean, that’s awesome and all and I support him. But he doesn’t feel that I support him enough. He wants me to become involved, you know, be able to know if a text is readerly or writerly or something like that.”

“And are you an English major or anything like that?” Jensen had to admire Chris’s quick thinking there.

“Oh lord, no. I’m a carpenter.”

“Dude, you think that would clue the guy in.” Chris waved his hands wildly.

“Hehe, yeah. Though it’s not like I don’t read, or only read Tom Clancy and Dan Brown and stuff like that. I was on a huge Philip Roth kick a few weeks ago. But my true love is sci-fi and fantasy, ‘cause I never grew up, you know.” Jensen felt like melting when he saw the glint in Jared’s eyes.

“So we have established that you can read more than the headlines in the papers but aren’t ready to branch out into deconstructing any text you see. I don’t know, being in a relationship is accepting the other person’s limits.” Chris was stroking his chin sagely.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” said Jared and half-lifted his hands as if in defeat.

“You accept your boyfriend’s limits?” Jensen didn’t really know why he was asking this question but something compelled him.

“What’d ya mean?” Jared said quickly, sound almost like he was snapping at Jensen.

“Sorry … I mean, you aren’t into literary theory or whatever but do you look down on your boyfriend because he can’t hold a hammer or something?” He chewed on his lips.

“Of course not. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a hammer in his hands. Truthfully, I’ve never thought about it.” God, the guy was way too cute when he shrugged. Jensen hid his face in his hands because he felt a blush creep up his cheeks.

“OK, you wanted our unclouded opinion.” Chris was looking rather pointedly at Jared. “I think your boyfriend is a douche for pestering you with this and wanting you to be someone you’re not.”

Jared made a face but Jensen noticed he didn’t frown or protest Chris’s rather blunt statement.

“How about you, Jensen, isn’t it? Agree with him?” Jared nodded towards Chris.

“Uh, you know, I think … I mean, there are always going to be differences and you kind of take the other person like they are. Shortcomings, talents, interests and all.” He chewed on his lip again.

“See, that’s what I think. I wish Milo saw it that way.” Jared sighed and the wistful tone of his sigh made Jensen’s stomach drop just a little. “But enough about me, here I am, pouring out my life to a couple of strangers. I mean … who are you?”

Chris was quicker to answer, maybe because he seemed to sense that Jensen needed a little bit of time to gather his thoughts again. When Chris came to the part about them being visitors, Jared’s face lit up.

“I’ve got to show your guys around. Show you the good places and all. I’m supposed to go bar-hopping with my friend Chad tonight, I think we're starting at the Flying Saucer which is kind of out of the city center but you know what, I’ll pick you up, OK? How does eight thirty sound?”

All he could do was nod, his mouth gone dry and his heart hammering in his chest. This was either going to end spectacularly well or badly.

+++

Maybe he should have expected it but Chris managed to weasel his way out of going. Jensen knew he was bluffing with the backache but he was unable to call his bluff. He toyed with the idea of dropping out himself but it really felt rude and even if he would end up watching Jared making out with Milo all evening, something inside him spurred him on to go.

To his relief, Milo wasn’t present when Jared came to pick him up but he did have a friend with him. It was Chad, who Jensen also knew to be his roommate. It made him feel marginally better and Chad also seemed to be the kind of person who wouldn’t let any moments of silence get awkward. Truth be told, after sitting with the guy in a car for five minutes, he was pretty sure that there were no moments of silences ever when you were around Chad. At least not any moments that lasted longer than five seconds.

The bar was big and rather respectable-looking and Jared and Chad seemed to be very at home there so Jensen simply followed them to a table occupied by three brunettes. Soon he learned that the one with the heart shaped face was Sandy, Jared’s and Chad’s roommate, the one with the pool-deep brown eyes and big lips was her friend, Gen and the one with the husky voice and the big dimples was Sophia.

While feeling twice as shy, Jensen couldn’t help but think of Chris, who would be missing out on the hot girls. After the normal routine of introductions he had fallen silent, listening to their conversation. It became rather obvious that Chad had some kind of history with one of the girls because they were all ripping into him like only women scorned could. He supposed whichever way it had gone, two of the girls were only giving Chad a hard time ‘cause that was something girls did for each other.

“You are quiet,” said Jared in a matter-of-fact sort of tone. Much to his chagrin, Jensen felt a blush creep up his face.

“I like to listen, that’s all.” Somehow he felt the need to excuse himself.

“Not to them, I hope, or maybe I’ve listened to this a thousand times. Get alcohol into any of those girls and they rip Chad a new one. Not that he doesn’t deserve it, he did cheat on Sophia but it’s a bit like watching the same episode of a soap opera again and again.” Jared seemed to be feinting extreme weariness. “Let’s talk about something interesting, like you.”

Jensen couldn’t help but feel like he’d been backed into a corner, since all he could think about himself at that moment was this whole thing about obsessing over Jared.

“I don’t know what to say. You want something like, ‘I’m Pisces, my favorite color is navy-blue and when I was little, I wanted to become a Thundercat’?”

Jared laughed, a big joyful laugh, which had him swaying backwards and showing off his gleaming white teeth. It created a wonderful sort of warmth in the depths of Jensen’s belly.

“I’d totally reply to your ad,” Jared said as he composed himself. Jensen felt his face flush as violently as ever before.

“But seriously, I did confess all my relationship problems to you earlier so turnabout is fair play.”

Yeah, ‘cause it will go so well to tell you that all my lovelife woes stem from a hallucination I had about you.

“Well, first I’d need to be in a relationship for me to have problems.”

“It’s the unique opportunity to talk about your exes to someone who is interested.” Jared’s smile was irresistible.

“You asked for it,” said Jensen as he glanced sideways at Jared.

Much to Jensen’s credit, he kept it tame, short and sweet. His last relationship had been uninteresting and he had kind of stuck around because of some twisted sense of nobility and loyalty.

“So it is safe to say you’ve never found the one,” Jared remarked when Jensen had finished telling him about how he'd broken up with Joanna when he walked in on her getting it on with some guy in one of the down-stairs bathrooms during a cocktail party at her parents’ house and how he’d been sure he would have his ass fired the next day. That hadn’t happened because the pair of them hadn’t seen any reason to cease what they’d been doing and then her father had walked in on them. Thank the lord for small mercies or something like that.

“Yeah, I think it boils down to the fact that I hadn’t figured out what, or shall I say whom, I wanted?”

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you using the past tense there, mister.”

Oh, fuck.

Jensen raked through his brain – he should lie but he was an awful liar and his mind absolutely refused to make someone up. But maybe half truths were the way to go.

“OK, you are going to laugh at me,” he said, trying his best to sound inconsequential.

“Try me,” said Jared and Jensen thought about how unfair it was that two one syllable words could sounds so flirty.

“I’m thirty, not born yesterday, not born again Christian though I tend to go to church regularly and I live in a city, not in a small town. And I just admitted to myself I like guys.”

Fighting the urge to crawl under the table to hide while Jared would inevitably roar with laughter, Jensen tried to grab the edge of his seat discreetly.

But Jared didn’t laugh. He merely looked thoughtfully at him.

“Dude, I’m not going to laugh. We all figure these things out at a different pace. Plus, you don’t need to live in a small town to be in denial or not to figure this out sooner. There are ignorant fools everywhere and sometimes we tend to stamp out things to save us from a world of hurt before the thoughts and feelings even materialize. I mean … alright, I don’t want to go on and on about myself but can I tell you about how I figured out I was gay?”

Feeling so relieved that Jared didn’t think he was stupid for figuring out things like his sexual preferences so late in life, Jensen nodded even though whatever Jared would say might just be the heart-breaking and epic love story of him and Milo.

“Here goes nothing; I'll probably make myself sound like the most horrible person on the planet, ‘cause I’m still a bit guilty about this.”

With that Jared had Jensen’s complete attention. Because guilty meant it hadn’t been the perfect gay romance.

“So I had this high school sweetheart. Well, we started going out when I was her date to her senior prom. Her name was Alexis and she was a year older than me – all mature woman and stuff. She went off to college, was in UT Austin, majoring in English but we didn’t break up, maybe because I was regularly going up to Austin to take courses there in carpentry. I probably could have done those closer to home but I wanted to see Alexis. And it was, you know, we were young and full of romantic notions, wanting to get married when she graduated and I’d build our home and we would be so happy with 2.4 children and a dog. I can’t really remember if we were that happy at the time, I think I thought I was but I wasn’t. So Alexis starts telling me about this Milo guy who is studying English with her and I got really jealous. I started driving up there more often, you know, to mark my territory.” Here Jared paused and Jensen had to try his best to stifle a giggle. As agitated as Jared’s story was making him, it was also rather funny.

“So finally I catch her with this Milo, well, they weren’t doing anything but I barged in on the scene, demanding to know what was going and just as Alexis was calming me down, I finally took a look at Milo properly. And this sounds corny and cliché but I kind of got weak in my knees, so weak that I almost lost balance and knocked poor Alexis down. That’s the moment, but I don’t think seeing Milo magically turned me gay, it simply opened up my eyes. So the thing that makes me guilty is that I was too much of a coward to break up with Alexis right there and then but me and Milo, shit, that thing took off so quickly. You see, an hour after seeing the guy for the first time, I was making out with him in my car. Not my proudest moment to ever have cheated on a sweet girl like Alexis.”

“So you didn’t break up with her right away?” Jensen whispered.

“Dude, I was twenty-two and thought, you know, maybe I could get this out of my system quickly and go back and not break Alexis’s heart. Yeah, best laid plans and all that. She pretty much found out from Milo because believe it or not, Mr. Knows-all-about-words managed to blurt out he was falling for someone and then gave Alexis a vague description but just had to mention three moles on this someone’s – which would be me – hip, shaped very much like the star sign Orion. Yeah, naturally Alexis had seen it too. And basically I haven’t spoken to her since, I think she transferred somewhere out of state and I felt so guilty and so bad I didn’t dare to call her. But Milo and I were on as you might know.”

Jensen had tuned out of the story as soon as Jared had mentioned the moles on his hip and started flicking through his mental images of Jared, trying to recall those moles. A very stark and vivid image of Jared all in his naked glory popped onto the frontline of his consciousness. He kept his eyes open, still looking at Jared, though his head started to spin as the imaginary Jared somehow became superimposed on the real Jared in front of him. Jensen’s mouth went dry and a slight shiver went through him.

“Jensen, you alright?”

So he might have spaced out a bit there. Giving Jared a nervous smile he grabbed the beer in front of him and downed it in couple of gulps.

Jared’s eyebrow practically flew up his forehead in something that could have constituted concern and surprise, Jensen wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he felt himself grow hard and he was wearing one of his tighter jeans and it would start to hurt in just a moment. Logically, he could feign some mysterious illness and get a cab right then but since Chris had already used that card in an rather obvious attempt to allow Jensen to have some alone time with Jared, he really didn’t have a choice but sit there and be turned on by the man sitting next to him.

“I mean, did this offend you? You know, me cheating on Alexis? ‘Cause you kind of look like you are pissed off about something.”

Could this evening get any worse? I’m sporting a huge boner ‘cause of a guy who think he’s offended me.

“No, not at all.” All he managed was a quiet whisper.

“You just … you’re a bit of an introvert, aren’t you?”

This might, however, be the moment for Jensen to become offended but he really didn’t feel it within himself. Jared looked curious, almost like he was pondering an enigma he was dying to solve.

This was an absolutely ridiculous situation. Here he was sitting with the object of his affections – at least the object of his lust but a very taken object all the same. And there was something there between them which didn’t really have that much to do with his dirty little secrets. Jared really seemed to like his company and meanwhile the universe decided to torture him with an array of conflicting emotions.

“Sorry, I’m being a jerk,” Jared said, probably believing his silence had everything to do with his question.

“Not at all,” Jensen managed, “can we talk about something else than me?”

“Dude, I really like you.” Jared threw his head back in laughter and Jensen felt his face heat up in embarrassment.

But somehow they managed to ease into a conversation about music, books and sports and Jensen almost felt calm again. Calm enough that his laughter had stopped sounding forced and fake and he even managed to look straight at Jared for longer periods than fractions of seconds.

Somewhere in the middle of their animated discussion about old basketball games, they were interrupted. Or perhaps not so much interrupted as jumped upon.

“Can we get going? I’m so not getting any action here. I think Sophia is using some freak brainwaves to make all girls immune to me.” Chad pushed hard on Jared so he almost tumbled into Jensen.

“Hey, watch out, Mayhem,” said Jared, grabbing Jensen’s knees so he wouldn’t fall on him completely. To Jensen, Jared’s touch felt hot and searing. When Jared straightened up, Jensen was surprised that there weren’t any burn marks on his jeans.

“OK, Jarenator, sorry I ruined your moment here. But can we go? I’ve got the feeling otherwise I’ll be the lousy puking drunk you wish you could just throw out of your car.”

“You owe me, Chad. Big time.”

As they drove away from the bar, Jared asked him if he wanted to see more of San Antonio’s night life. It was extremely tempting but Jensen really felt he needed a moment or a whole eternity to get himself in check. It might have been his imagination but when he asked to be taken back to Jason’s place, he thought he could detect some disappointment in Jared’s answer.

As they pulled up to Jason’s house, Chad leaned in between the front seats, slamming his hand hard on Jared’s shoulder.

“We should throw a party – tomorrow even. You know, Jensen here can come and maybe he’ll bring his friends and it will be awesome. It’s been so long since we threw a party at our place.”

“Yeah,” said Jared and seemed very excited. “Not since … ” His voice died out.

“Not since your boy started working on that thesis of his. I don’t get it. It’s not like he’s working on it at home. He’s never at the apartment except when he needs to bitch or something.”

“Chad!”

“Come off it, Jared. Don’t go all ‘must defend the honor of my man’ on me. I live with you two and Milo has been pissier lately than a PMS-ing nun with an icicle up her cunt.”

“Chad!”

Jensen couldn’t help but notice that Jared seemed more amused than offended on the behalf of his boyfriend.

“Whatever. Jensen, you’ll come tomorrow, ‘kay? Take friends with you, the more the merrier and we’ll show you how it’s done here in San Antonio.”

+++

They managed to arrive not too early at the party; at least a dozen people were there already plus the hosts. Chris leaned towards him as they walked in and whispered in his ear.

“Dude, this is going to be so fucked up.” Jensen couldn’t help but agree even though he didn’t really know what exactly would end up being fucked.

He felt a bit more at ease to see that Milo didn’t seem to be present. He saw Sandy and her friends and chuckled at the soft wolf-whistle Chris gave as he saw them. Chad was busy lining up shot glasses and pouring something into them so that left Jared who was doing his best at playing host.

“Great to see you could make it. Beware of whatever Chad wants you to drink. He was experimenting with Jägermeister and some imported European stuff today, making some horrible concoction, so I’m offering you beer so he’ll be less inclined to make you partake of whatever he’s offering.”

Chris reached out for the bottle Jared handed him and then elbowed Jensen in the side before walking away in the direction of the girls.

“So, expecting a crowd?” said Jensen more into the beer bottle he’d just been handed instead of saying it to Jared’s face.

“Not really but I never know what Chad might have done on Facebook. He once invited all the members of some Spurs group he’s in, there. Sandy ended up calling the cops to clear out the party.”

They hung out in the kitchen, Jared sharing many, many anecdotes about Chad and his wacky hi-jinks. Maybe it was the beer, since Jared saw to it that he never ran dry, but Jensen felt easier and more comfortable around Jared than the night before.

“So how about your friend, Chris? Or yourself? Any good stories there?”

“Me? Chris sometimes gets me involved in his adventures but generally I like to stay out of trouble.”

“I met you yesterday and somehow I’m not surprised,” said Jared and winked at him and Jensen looked down and felt his face grow flush.

“I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this story but it kind of sums Chris up, well, Chris when he was 18, and it kind of sums me up as well,” Jensen began, looking up at Jared. Then he launched into the long tale of how Chris had set him up with Lauren so he would finally get rid of his virginity.

“And he really told her you were in a boyband?”

Jensen nodded; rehashing the extreme humiliation of the Lauren incident wasn’t all that painful when he got to enjoy Jared’s joyful laughter in exchange.

“How come you still talk to Chris then? You know, that was a bit too mean.”

“I’ve known Chris for long enough to know that his heart is in the right place even though he was a bit cruel when we were younger.”

“Hmmm, I wonder why that would be,” said Jared and smiled mysteriously.

“What do you mean?”

“Chris isn’t bad looking at all but not as good looking as you and not as tall, you know. I would imagine he was a bit jealous of you when you were teenagers.”

“Jealous?” Jensen snorted. “Dude, I kind of looked like a girl when I was eighteen. A tall girl, but a girl never the less. Everyone at my high school called me Jennifer.”

Jared yet again does one of his falling-backwards laughs.

“God, you must have been the twinkiest twink ever, what with those lips of yours and those obscenely long lashes. I would have thought you’d have droves of guys hitting on you back then.”

“Dude, I grew up in Richardson – not exactly the place where guys hit on other guys like that.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right, but I have to admit I would have liked to know you when you were in high school.”

Jensen didn’t really know how to take that, he felt slightly uncomfortable.

“You should have seen me at that age,” said Jared. “All gangly and ungraceful. I sometimes wonder how on earth I managed to hook up with Alexis in the first place.”

Peering hard down the neck of the beer bottle he’s clutching, Jensen tries to imagine a teenaged Jared, shaving off twenty pounds of muscles or so, but his mind wasn’t cooperating. His mind seemed to prefer the Jared who was standing in front of him now.

“You keep getting that faraway look on your face, making me wanna go all cliché and give you a penny for your thoughts.”

The true answer was never close to appearing on the tip of Jensen’s tongue but he wasn’t sure if he’d managed to keep it from the look on his face as he looked at Jared. Especially since there’s definitely something, a certain intensity in the way Jared was looking at him. Making him all warm inside and stupidly hopeful. Maybe that’s why he’s stepping close to Jared like he's on auto-control.

Jared wasn’t backing away; he was stepping closer as well, putting down his bottle and reaching out to take Jensen’s bottle from his grip. Jensen swallowed and then licked his lips, trying his best to look up at Jared but being unable to focus on his face.

“God, I shouldn’t be doing this,” Jared murmured as he leaned forward and captured Jensen’s lips in a kiss. His imagination had nothing on the real thing. Jared was holding his face between his big hands, using his thumbs to smooth over his jawline as he deepened the kiss. Jensen settled for putting his hands on Jared’s shoulders and tried his best to reciprocate. Jared was sucking on his tongue in an obscene way, enticing strange sounds from him which had Jared pulling him even closer, their bodies flush against each other, giving Jensen the courage to move his hands down Jared’s arms, down his sides to his waist which in return caused Jared to push his hips into Jensen.

He felt himself growing hard; it was hard not to with Jared almost humping him right there. In an attempt to keep himself in check, he tried his best not to rub against Jared’s thigh.

When Jared broke the kiss and started mouthing his way down Jensen’s neck, Jensen knew that it was either to give in completely or push Jared away. Hell, he’d gone to the trouble of finding the guy, he’d gone down to San Antonio, he was the one losing his mind obsessing about him. If he were all noble and perfect, he would feel bad because Jared was in fact cheating on his boyfriend but he wasn’t noble and perfect. That was perhaps the reason why he was hitching up Jared’s shirt to feel the naked skin underneath.

“God, you are so fucking hot,” Jared mouthed as he pushed Jensen’s shirt away and licked down into the hollow between his collar bones. “Been wanting to do this … well, since yesterday but ever since I laid eyes on you.”

Fuck, I think I’m about to pass out here.

Jensen’s head was filled with a red haze and he was sure the harsh breathing and the occasional moans he heard belonged to him. His shirt was probably lying in heap on the kitchen floor along with Jared’s shirt. Jared who was using his mouth to explore his chest, licking his nipples, using his hands to cup Jensen’s ass.

“We probably should move this elsewhere before I drop to my knees and blow you right here,” Jared said, seemingly more to Jensen’s belly button.

It was a miracle that Jensen’s knees didn’t give out there and then.

“You’re going to have to carry me,” he gasped out as he tried to brace himself on the kitchen counter.

Jared snickered and bent down and threw Jensen’s shirt at him.

“Suppose we should put these on before relocating.”

They were both giggling like naughty school boys as they attempted to button up their shirts as they tried to make their way to a bedroom. Jensen wasn’t sure if Jared would take him to his bedroom which would of course be Milo’s bedroom as well but he wasn’t going to let that bother him. His morals had been lying down and they could just stay that way.

However, they didn’t manage to sneak unseen from the kitchen to the next available bedroom.

“Jared, what’s going on?” One of Jared’s tiny brunette friends was standing in the hallway outside the kitchen. Jensen was pretty sure it was Sandy, one of his roommates.

“Nothing,” said Jared in a tone that suggested he knew very well that he was doing something bad but didn’t really feel all that bad about it.

“Yeah, sure, Jay. You two weren’t making out in the kitchen and aren’t trying to sneak off to continue whatever you two were doing.” She might be a tiny thing but Jensen felt quite threatened as she stood there with her hands on her hips, looking like she could breathe fire.

For some reason Jared didn’t seem to be so intimidated by her. He simply gave her a winning smile and reached for Jensen and pulled him to him.

“You aren’t going to rat me out, are you?”

“No, Jared. I’m not going to rat you out, but seriously, if you think Milo isn’t going to find out, then you are too dumb to live.”

Jensen felt himself bite his bottom lip while Jared took his time to answer.

“I’m … I think I’m going to break up with Milo anyway but Jensen is here now and he’s just around for a visit and … he’s like candy.” The tone of Jared’s voice suggested that he was a five year old who wanted stay up longer but Jensen couldn’t help but feel a flutter in his stomach, because Jared was acting this way because of him.

“Oh, Jared,” Sandy sighed wearily.

With a tug to his shirt sleeve, Jared pulled him further down the hallway, but as they were about to reach someone’s bedroom, shouting from the living room made them stop dead in their tracks.

“Murray, what the hell is going on?”

Milo had obviously arrived on the scene and Jensen wanted to jump out of the nearest window. Jared, on the other hand, didn’t seem want to flee.

“Oh, the fucker. Why couldn’t he just sleep with his thesis like he’s been doing?”

Turning away from the bedroom door, Jared stormed down the hallway to the living room and despite his reservations, Jensen followed.

Milo was standing in the middle of the living room, looking absolutely livid. Chad seemed rather unperturbed while the rest of the people there seemed to be watching Milo, Chris included, sitting in a dark corner with Gen and Sophia.

There was no indication that Milo’s anger abated when he spotted Jared.

“Jared, what’s the meaning of all this?”

“Milo, you ain’t my dad. And this is just a party. People sometimes throw those, you might remember.”

Huffing and giving Chad a rather mean glare, Milo stepped closer to Jared.

“I thought you might show me some courtesy and not throw a party while I’m working on my thesis.”

“You never work on it here and I’m sorry but we aren’t going put our lives on hold.”

“I might not work on it here but I need my sleep and …” Milo trailed off because he seemed to have noticed Jensen where he stood few feet behind Jared. He looked back at Jared.

“What’s going on?” The tone of Milo’s voice changed and Jensen secretly wished he'd simply disappear.

“What do you think?” Jared sounded defiant.

“Great, just great. Not only do you decide to throw a party when I’ve asked you not to, then you go around cheating on me. In my own home nonetheless. Who is this little shit you were screwing?” Milo turned towards Jensen who wondered who exactly Milo was calling a little shit, since he definitely had few inches on Milo.

“Let him be,” said Jared and tried to move between him and Milo.

Milo obviously was a lot stronger than he looked and managed to shove Jared away so hard that he stumbled. The next thing that Jensen knew was that Milo had grabbed him by the front of his shirt.

“Who the fuck are you? You fucking my boyfriend?” Milo looked to be beyond livid.

“Hey, Milo, let him go,” Jared had managed get his balance back.

“You fucked this piece of shit?” Milo turned towards Jared but didn’t let go off Jensen.

“No, don’t be stupid, let him go,” Jared demanded as he tried to pull Milo away but only caused him to tighten his hold on Jensen.

“Milo, I’m not going to fight you, for god’s sake, let him go.”

Nothing Jared said seemed calm Milo down. Instead he pushed Jensen further into the hallway, Jensen too stunned to do anything but allow Milo to push him.

“You fucked Jared? Did Jared fuck you? Will you give me a freaking answer, you piece of shit?”

If it meant Milo letting him go, Jensen was ready to give Milo a multitude of answers, but he couldn’t cough up one word. He simply stared at the guy, knowing that his squint had to be pretty prominent.

“Let him go!” It wasn’t Jared this time around, Chris had joined in.

“Who the fuck are you?” Milo spat out but before he could turn back to Jensen, Chris had flung himself on him. Jensen felt Milo’s grip on him being wrenched away and he almost fell as he stumbled but Jared grabbed him before he fell on top of Chris and Milo.

They weren’t fighting very gracefully, grunting loudly as they thrashed on the floor. Jensen knew that if Chris would get the chance he might end up punching Milo, something he anticipated would go badly.

Turning to Jared, he motioned towards Chris and Milo.

“I think we should try to break them apart.”

“Chad, get your ass over here,” Jared shouted but Chad was actually standing close.

Jensen grabbed Chris by the shoulders and Chad helped him to pull him up. Chris struggled against them and as soon as his arms were free he started swinging but by then Jared had pulled Milo back.

“Everyone, let’s calm down,” Chad said, trying to hold Chris’s right arm while Jensen struggled with the left arm.

“The fuck I will,” Milo shouted, trying his best to free himself from Jared’s vice-like grip. “I’m going to fuck up your shit,” he spat at Chris and then turned towards Jensen. “And you pretty boy, you just …”

Milo didn’t finish his threats as Jared had pulled him into the next bedroom.

Standing half stunned, not really knowing what had happened, Jensen was still holding Chris even though Chris had calmed down.

“Dude, you can let me go.”

“Oh, sorry,” said Jensen and let go of Chris, not looking at him nor at Chad.

“You OK?” Chris asked. Chad seemed to take it as a hint and so did the rest of the party which had gathered at the end of the hallway to watch the spectacle.

“I dunno, just …” Jensen tried to straighten his shirt but noticed he must have buttoned it the wrong way.

“Did something happen with you and Jared?”

“Uhh, kind of, yeah.”

“And what?” Chris was crossing his arms and looking at him with one eyebrow raised.

“We made out in the kitchen,” Jensen almost whispered. “And we were going to … you know … find somewhere more private to do more when Milo arrived.”

“Jensen, you managed to bag him already? You sly dog.”

“Well, yeah, kind of … almost. But I suppose I’ve missed my chance. They did go into that room together.” Jensen pointed at the door behind him.

“Dude, you don’t have anything to worry about unless they emerge from there with stupid grins on their faces.”

Even though Jensen wanted to leave most of all, Chris refused to allow him to. Not only because he wanted him to wait to see what would happened between Jared and Milo, but also because he had something going with Gen whose full name was Genevieve, Jensen finally learned.

“Just happy your name isn’t Jennifer,” he said and Chris giggled like a little girl while Gen and Sophia looked at each other like they’d gone crazy.

No one seemed to be willing to discuss the fight earlier but Sandy kept giving Jensen funny looks. He wondered if she was mad at him for getting her friend to cheat on his boyfriend. A part of him wanted to defend his honor but then again he really didn’t have any honor left to defend as such. He was a stalker extraordinaire who might or might not have broken up two people who might just have had a good relationship if he hadn't shown up.

Or maybe not. He hadn’t really done anything. It was Jared who had flirted with him in the first place and Jared who had kissed him. Jared who had planned to take things further. Jensen shifted a tiny bit in his seat, feeling his fantasies bubbling at the edge of his consciousness.

He looked up in the direction of the hallway, waiting for Jared to appear.

“Relax,” Chris murmured. Easy for him to say, with a girl almost sitting in his lap. A girl who probably didn’t have a boyfriend. Jensen only gave Chris a painful grimace as an answer.

What if Jared would break up with Milo, what then? It didn’t necessarily mean that he would come running to Jensen and confess his undying love. In fact, the best Jensen could hope for was to become a rebound fuck or something like that. Besides, he lived in Dallas and Jared here in San Antonio and it was a five hour drive. Long distance relationships never worked out, did they?

He looked down at the bottle in his hands; he didn’t remember who had handed it to him, maybe Chad, and was about to disappear into his mind.

“Jensen,” Chris tapped his arm and he looked up. Jared was standing there, looking somewhat subdued.

“I think he wants to talk to you.”

Like in a trance, Jensen got up and walk towards Jared who pointed him to follow him through to the kitchen.

“Milo is in our room,” he began and Jensen saw that the rims of Jared’s eyes were red like he’d been crying. “He’s packing. I broke up with him. God, I feel … I mean, we should have broken up months ago but I mean … you must think I’m the biggest cheater that cheats. I don’t want to make excuses but I’m obviously crap at knowing when to break up with someone. Oh god, I’m sorry. I don’t want to dump this all on you.”

Jensen stood there, looking up at Jared, with his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans, wanting most of all to hug Jared.

“No, no, I want to listen to you but I also understand if you don’t want to … see me again … like that.”

“Shit, I just … I’m not going to drag you to the sack I like I wanted earlier but if you don’t think I’m the world’s biggest douchebag, I kind of want to meet you again.”

“If it’s not too soon, I’d love to meet you tomorrow.” Jensen chewed a bit on his bottom lip, wondering if he was being too forward.

He wasn’t. He had a date.

Part 4 & Epilogue - Master Post