Living In Lucid Dreams - Part 4 & Epilogue

[hildigunnur]

Part 4 & Epilogue

Previous Part

It would have been preferable to find some more refined metaphors for his nerves than ‘shitting bricks’ but he couldn’t find anything better to say when Chris asked him how he was feeling.

“Jensen, relax, you know the guy likes you – so much that he’d rather make out with you than patch things up with his boyfriend. Just take it easy. I doubt he’s ready to get engaged or whatever right away.”

Chris was probably right, he should just try and relax and enjoy his date. It wasn’t like they were going to a fancy restaurant. They were meeting for lunch at some café on the River Walk. It would be chicken club sandwiches and beer and a bit of sunshine.

Nothing to panic over.

And when he met Jared, he felt the nerves melt away. They fell so easily into flowing conversation, first only touching on the lighter subject matters such as sports and music but then Jensen could sense that Jared wanted to talk about Milo.

“I should just get a t-shirt or something that says that I’m the kind of idiot that talks about exes all the time.” Jared looked a bit abashed.

“Hey, you just broke up with him yesterday and I kind of was there and at least I was some kind of an instigator or something.”

“You know, even though last night doesn’t count as one of the best nights of my life, I think I’m glad I met you. I finally had the push I needed to end things with Milo. The relationship was dead long before he got gung-ho about me knowing all about literary theory – I don’t really know when it died exactly. I just know that kissing you last night was so vastly different from kissing Milo. I felt tingly down to my toes, I couldn’t get enough.” Jared was smiling, a big, joyous smile and Jensen felt warm – like it wasn’t only the sunshine heating his skin but another kind of warmth.

“I’m going to be honest, I don’t know if I can handle a relationship right now.”

Jensen had figured out that much, he wasn’t surprised and besides, was he ready for a proper relationship himself? Couple of weeks ago he’d been mostly straight as far as he knew and even though Jared appeared to be everything he’d dreamed of, he was a real person with all the baggage a real person has. It was probably safest to aim for the slow burn – dating even if it did mean weekend drives and all that – yeah, safest but at the moment he really didn’t want to go for the safest option. He now had a taste of playing unsafe and keeping to a slow burn meant no sex for a long while.

“Hey, I’m not waiting to run into some relationship either. All I know is that I really like you.” There, he’d said it. Though saying he liked Jared was only telling him a fraction of the story, it was out there that he wasn’t going along with this merely because Jared was the closest warm body but because he wanted him.

“Good to have that established because I really like you as well.” Jared was actually smirking and Jensen couldn’t help but laugh.

Even if the conversation had been easy and amicable before, their admissions gave them more fluidity; like they had known each other forever. Jensen even found himself watching Jared as he explained some crazy job he’d had to work on for some rich people at some ranch. He was like a one man act, explaining with his hands, his face all animated and when he came with the punchline, the dimples on his face grew deep as he opened his mouth wide in laughter.

Somewhere after Jensen had told Jared about one of Mike’s crazier hi-jinks, Jared reached for his hand. It felt kind of strange to be holding his hand outside at a café, even though they were shielded from the passersby on the River Walk by a handsome bush in a pot. It felt so strangely intimate to hold hands like that; Jared’s long fingers woven through his. Jensen had never though he had small hands but Jared’s hands were so big and they felt safe somehow.

“I really, really want to kiss you right now,” said Jared. “This is one of the few things I hate about being gay, not being able to kiss in public. Well, in public like this.”

There was a certain mischievous look on Jared’s face, his eyebrows were arched and there was a glint in his eyes like he had the devil in him. He got up and turned to the next waitress and paid her, probably enough so she’d have a handsome tip, and then beckoned Jensen to follow him. They headed away from the River Walk and soon found themselves in a small park. It was the kind of park most people just walked through without stopping, maybe sat on a bench for a couple of minutes to rest their tired legs but not one of those parks where people played with frisbees or sunbathed. Which was probably the reason why Jared thought it was an excellent place to hide behind a couple of bushes and make out.

Jared was an excellent kisser. He didn’t start with a bang but Jensen had never liked people who wanted to shove their tongues down his throat right away. Funny how many girls thought that was something he’d appreciate. While Jared was definitely passionate from the get-go he didn’t demand entry to Jensen’s mouth right away. He seemed to be contented to have their lips touching, pressing firmly with the tiniest bit of suction that pulled something up within him, a sort of brightness that now burned in his chest.

It ended up being Jensen himself who coaxed Jared to open his mouth, lapping ever so slightly at his lips until he felt Jared smile into the kiss, their tongues barely touching. The gradual build-up of the kiss was mirrored in how they slowly sank down to the ground, wrapping themselves around each other, embracing, fingers twisting in each other’s hair. It was intimate and warming. They weren’t going to go any further at this point, were only going to enjoy how they could melt against each other, how their mouths fit perfectly together.

Jensen had managed to drive most of his conscious thoughts away, those which would weigh him down and ruin the moment. He was in the here and now, in the arms of the man who had been haunting his sleeping and waking dreams, and it was the reality that made every fiber in him vibrate with something he was pretty sure was happiness.

And he wasn’t going to pick it apart. At least not then and there.

+++

They did end up going to a fancy restaurant that very night. Maybe it wasn’t a fancy restaurant per se, it was a steak house, but Jensen had gone to the trouble of wearing his best jeans and a nice button-down and even having a proper shave.
As he came out of the bathroom, Chris gave him approving smile.

“You are so going to have loads and loads of gay sex. Please don’t think of me.”

Jensen just laughed. Chris would probably be safe – there were many other things he’d rather think of during sex than his best friend.

At the steak house he and Jared got a nice big booth and Jared made the most of it by stretching along the bench, almost leaning into Jensen.

“I like having this much space.”

If it’s wrong to think the 26 year old guy you are hoping to have sex with is adorable, then I don’t want to be right.

All through the waiting for the food and the eating, Jared kept touching Jensen, always making it look inconspicuous but still doing enough to drive Jensen crazy. He was sure he would explode when Jared had obviously taken off one of his shoes and was now moving his foot up Jensen’s leg while making steak eating appear to be a pornographic act.

“You are driving me insane,” he whispered when Jared had started stroking his inner thigh with his foot.

“That’s the plan,” Jared replied and winked.

Jensen looked down at the half-eaten entrecote steak in front of him. It was delicious, cooked to perfection, but he really wanted to push away the plate and shout at Jared to take him then and there. And Jared would probably take him on the offer right then, usher him into the men’s room and they’d have wild sex in one of the stalls where Jared would jack them both off with his big hands.

The mere thought got him painfully hard.

Jared kept on smiling innocently as he ate. Was the guy made out of rock-solid self-control?

Huffing, Jensen tried to keep eating but he wasn’t hungry any more, at least not for steak. As he was trying not to stare at Jared, he scanned the restaurant.

Sitting at a table not far from him was someone wearing a trench coat and with a familiar face. Jensen didn’t recognize him immediately. Looking closer, he saw it was the guy who was an assistant to the private investigator he’d hired, had the sort of Russian name that sounded kind of girly – was it Misha? And the guy was watching him.

Jensen felt panic creep in. What the hell was this about? He didn’t owe them, did he? They had his credit card info and the last time he’d checked (which had been that morning), the card was far from being maxed out. Or had they dragged something up about Jared? Something sinister, like he’d been convicted for drug smuggling or something like that?

He got up and excused himself to Jared, telling him he was going to the men’s room.

Misha apparently was there with the intent to talk to him, because ten seconds after Jensen had walked into the men’s room, Misha followed.

“What are you doing here?” Jensen asked, feeling like he’d been spied on.

“Mr. Morgan wanted to me to check up on you. See if you needed any further assistance.”

“I don’t need anyone babysitting me,” Jensen spat out. Meeting Misha here was a bit too harsh of a reminder that he indeed had gone to extremes to find Jared, invading his privacy even.

“This is just an offer of assistance but if you don’t require our services, then I bid you farewell,” Misha said, his voice monotonous with the slightest hint of an accent, turning and sweeping out of the men’s room. Jensen was left, feeling confused and strangely ashamed. Only minutes before he had wanted Jared to ravish him but now he almost felt like fleeing.

Get yourself together, Jensen. You probably would have ended in an asylum if you hadn’t tried to find Jared and you needed those guys for that.

Trying that thing from the movies with splashing water on his face, he attempted to clear his head before going back. His head really didn’t feel any clearer but he wasn’t going to run like some idiot. Plus Jared would probably get him worked up in no time.

Stepping out of the men’s room, he met up with Jared a little sooner than he had anticipated. Jared appeared to have been waiting outside and he didn’t look very happy.

“Who was that? That guy in the trench coat?”

Caught by surprise, Jensen couldn’t think of anything to say, though he knew his face was betraying that he had some kind of a secret.

“Is he your pimp or something like that?” Jared’s hair was falling into his face and he looked liked he’d been played in a game of poker.

“My pimp? What the hell?” Jensen’s sense of guilt almost disappeared.

“Yeah, is he your pimp? You cruise around looking for guys to hook up with and then you know, blackmail them into paying you for sex or something?” Jared apparently didn’t find this ridiculous at all.

But this was also the point where Jensen realized he had to come clean, he wasn’t going to able to explain Misha away as an acquaintance.

“Jared, I owe you an explanation. See, Misha there, the guy in the trench coat, is a PI – or works for a PI, something like that. Uh … yeah, I kind of hired them,” Jensen said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hired them for what?” Jared’s eyes were narrowed and his voice only a couple of decibels over whispering.

“Finding you.” Jensen tried to make it sound not too creepy.

“Find me?” Jared looked horrified.

“Uh, yeah. I was kind of looking for you.”

“Were you stalking me?” Jared’s face seemed full of hurt and betrayal. Jensen didn’t know what to say, raking through his brain to give Jared some kind of a coherent answer, but Jared didn’t seem to want to wait for that. He gave Jensen a strange look, the kind that almost cut into Jensen’s insides and strode away.

Jensen stood rooted to the floor for few moments, feeling like the world had fallen down around him. He had blown it completely. He could fold and give and he probably should. But some damned spark inside his chest refused to die out – told him to fight.

He sprinted out of the restaurant, making a silent promise to return to pay the bill. When he was outside he stopped for a second, looking up and down the street and there, several yards down the street, he saw Jared who was walking with big strides but not so big that Jensen believed it impossible to catch up with him.

So he ran. He had gone running every now and then so he had some modicum of stamina but perhaps not for crazy sprinting like what he was doing now. Gaining on Jared he hoped that Jared wouldn’t start running away from him. He needed that last chance like he needed oxygen to live.

Jared probably had heard him running behind but he neither stopped nor started walking faster. In fact, he seemed determined to ignore Jensen, even when he was right at his side and Jensen knew he would have to get straight down to business.

“I have this house,” he managed to pant as he slowed down to match his speed with Jared’s.

Obviously Jared hadn’t expected Jensen to start talking real estate, so he stopped, looking at Jensen with a mix of anger and curiosity.

“Yeah, so this house is what most people would call a fixer-upper, it’s kind of a hovel really, if I’m going to be honest. And you know, everything malfunctions in this house – I’m forever changing leaky faucets and getting the wiring fixed. So one Sunday morning, the garage door opener didn’t work and when I tried to close the garage door, it hit me on the head and knocked me out.”

“I can’t see how getting knocked out has anything to do with you stalking me. Get to the point or I’ll call the police.”

“I’m getting to the point,” Jensen said hurriedly, still trying to breathe normally. “So I was unconscious for few hours. And I dreamt. I dreamt I was me but not really, I was this TV actor and you were there and you were a TV actor as well. And we … we were lovers. I dreamt about us having sex.”

“Look, I’m not going to listen to your stalker fantasies. Good bye, Jensen. Don’t contact me again.” Jared started turning away.

“No wait, you see, I had no idea you even existed at all when this happened.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Jared said.

“No, I know. But I’m telling the truth and Chris can be my witness and if he’s not enough, there are others who can at least verify the dream thing. And you talked to me and Chris first, remember?”

Jared stared at him, seemingly trying to determine what brand of crazy Jensen was.

“So if I’m pretending that what you are telling me is the truth, then what’s the deal with using a PI to find me?”

“Well, you’re going to think I’m pathetic. Or more pathetic than you already think I am. That dream I had while unconscious, it was really intense and when I woke up, I remembered every single detail and I couldn’t forget about it. I had no idea whether you existed or not but I just couldn’t forget you … and the sex we had.” Jensen whispered the last part. “I could hardly function at work, anywhere really. I mean, I even tried to hook up with this girl I know who is smoking hot. Seriously, men’s magazine hot. But all I could think about was you. So I cracked and tried to find you and I did find you on Facebook but you know, I kind of had to be sure so that’s why I hired a PI. It’s not like I had your house staked out or anything like that.”

He realized he kept rubbing his face while explaining this to Jared so he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“I know you have no reason to trust me on this but please do, I don’t want to lie to you. So I got the information from the PI about where you lived and such and it was actually Chris who suggested we’d go down here to San Antonio. Even though I knew where you lived and stuff, I never went to seek out your place. You just walked into the café where we were, like it was some kind of destiny.” Jensen looked at Jared, hoping that his face was conveying how sincerely he meant what he was saying.

“Every shred of common sense in me is telling me to run away from you but shit, I want to give you a second chance. Hell, I want to know if reality can match up with your dream.” Jared looked almost bemused, like he couldn’t believe what he was about to do and neither could Jensen. He simply stared in awe as Jared cupped his face and kissed him right there out on the street.

A dream couldn’t surpass this.

EPILOGUE

They tumbled into the apartment, giggling like little kids.

“You think they’ll notice we left?” Jensen kind of wheezed as he tried to catch his breath.

“If they did, I think they know why we left and I don’t think they’ll bother us,” Jared said as he struggled to pull off his boots. They were both drunk; not too drunk, but most definitely buzzed. They had left Chris, Chad and the girls at some bar, Jensen didn’t know the name of it but he remembered that Jared had suggested either they’d start doing body shots or just head back to his place. Even if Jensen would have loved to lick tequila off of Jared’s body he wanted to get into his pants more. It seemed that Jared was thinking along the same lines.

“Don’t strip off all your clothes before we get to the bedroom.” Jared was now buttoning down his shirt right there in the hallway and Jensen really didn’t want him to do that right away. It was like Christmas had come early and he wanted to unwrap his present in private.

“OK, ok, I just … fuck …” Jared didn’t finish what he was saying, he grabbed Jensen and half-dragged him to a bedroom, his bedroom. Jensen was horny enough to ignore a few stray thoughts about it having been Milo’s room as well until couple of days ago.

Jared’s bed was large with a heavy dark wooden frame. It kind of looked like it had been made to have sex in, a thought that made Jensen blush.

“I made it, you know,” said Jared, seeing Jensen’s glaze. “I’m kind of proud of it.” He turned to Jensen and pulled him towards him.

Licking his lips, Jensen reached to finish unbuttoning Jared’s shirt. He still remembered how perfect the body of the dream Jared had been and from what he felt when he’d touched Jared, the real version was probably just as perfect.

His own shirt disappeared as well; Jared seemed to be just as keen to see what lurked underneath Jensen’s clothes.

As soon Jared’s shirt hit the floor Jensen didn’t feel shy at all to touch him, drag his fingers over the smooth skin and hard muscles. His body was beautiful, all defined muscles and so perfectly proportionate. His favorite part was that wonderful groove running from his hips down his groin and nothing could keep his hands away, though Jared didn’t seem to be averse to being touched like that.

“God, yes, Jensen, touch me,” he said as he ran his fingers through Jensen’s hair and pulled his head back so he could kiss, lick and nip at his throat.

He couldn’t get enough of touching Jared’s skin but he wanted to explore further, and filled with an almost alien sense of courage, he allowed his hands to wander down the front of Jared’s jeans and underneath his boxers, palming his dick which felt huge and half-hard to the touch. A small part of Jensen’s mind marveled at his own gall – being so forward.

While it felt strange to be touching another man’s cock, he couldn’t get enough. Buttoning down Jared’s jeans and pushing down his boxers, he took Jared’s cock in his hand again. Not wanting to seem like he didn’t have a clue what he was doing, he started tentatively to jerk Jared off, trying to do the things he liked when he masturbated.

Either he was doing something right or Jared was stupidly polite because he was arching into Jensen’s touch and breathing puffs of air into Jensen’s neck. Shifting, Jensen fell flush against Jared’s side, rubbing himself against his thigh in tandem with his stroking.

“Oh hell, if you keep this up, I’m going to come,” Jared murmured in a husky voice.

Jensen looked at him and chuckled.

“You aren’t just saying this to make me feel better? I’m a total novice at this.”

“Fuck, no. Jensen …” Jared almost whined his name and Jensen believed him because Jared grabbed his face and kissed him hard with an open mouth, practically tongue-fucking him. Jensen’s knees went weak and if Jared hadn’t been holding on to him, he might have slid down to the floor.

Breaking the kiss and panting, Jared looked at him with impossibly dark eyes. Maybe Jensen was hallucinating but that had to be unbridled lust.

“Bed,” Jared growled and pulled Jensen to the bed. They were lying on their sides as Jared struggled to shed the rest of his clothes and Jensen followed suit, tiny tremors shaking his body.

Jared rolled them over, placing himself on top of Jensen and catching his lips in another kiss. Embracing Jared, Jensen pulled him closer, wanting their bodies to touch as much as possible. He really liked the feeling of the other man’s skin next to his; the soft spots, the rougher bits, the delicious friction.

Feeling Jared’s hard dick rub against his, albeit at an off-angle, was amazing. Jensen tried to twist for a better angle but Jared seemed to have other ideas.

“C’mere,” he said, his voice a rumble as he pushed Jensen higher in the bed, quickly marking his way down Jensen’s body with his mouth, tongue and teeth, licking and biting. Jensen inhaled sharply as Jared scraped the soft skin on his belly with his teeth.

His cock was hard and leaking and when Jared started licking the pre-come off the head, a buzzing fog hazed Jensen’s mind, blocking out everything but the strokes of Jared’s wonderfully broad and talented tongue. Never bringing Jensen’s dick into his mouth, Jared instead lapped at it, mouthing the length like it was a popsicle. Small darts of current shot up Jensen’s spine, making him arch ever so slightly, increasing when Jared moved his hand down to his balls, rolling them in sync with every lick up and down Jensen’s cock.

This was getting him wound up as a coiled spring, Jared playing him like a virtuoso played his instrument.

“Please,” Jensen keened. He wasn’t sure if he could withstand more, wasn't sure when everything would go into overload and when every cluster of nerves would burn out.

“What do you want, Jensen? Tell me,” said Jared, lifting his head ever so slightly and thus removing his mouth from Jensen’s cock and giving his nerves a bit of a breather.

“You …” he gasped. What did he want? “I want to … come, please.”

Jensen didn’t see Jared’s face but he could swear he sensed a wicked smile.

The next thing he knew was that his dick was enveloped in the wet heat of Jared’s mouth and his large hand was holding him firmly at the root, Jared moving his head rapidly up and down, his tongue hitting the ridge of the glans on every stroke. Jensen could feel his cock getting wet with Jared’s saliva, spit running down into his pubic hair. Then Jared brought his hand up, jacking Jensen with a couple of brisk strokes before taking his dick deeper into his mouth, his spit-wet fingers moving down Jensen’s perineum, down his cleft. Automatically he arched into the touch, curving his spine further when Jared brought his middle finger to his anus, circling it, teasing it and then pressing in, as gently as possible. Sucking his breath in, Jensen knew he should try to relax but it was hard.

Jared did his best to make it easier, using his free hand to push down on Jensen’s stomach and using his tongue in the most ingenious ways on Jensen’s dick, raking the sensitive underside, dipping into the slit.

And Jensen was caught in a crossfire of sensations, between the exquisite feeling of having his cock inside Jared’s mouth and his finger pushing inside him, teasing him, and then it was like a flash bomb had gone off in his head. Jared was touching a spot inside him – a spot hitherto unknown to him – which was obviously the gate to the most intense pleasure.

Losing all concept of time and space, he heard a loud moaning which he supposed had to be coming from him, but all he could feel was the hot rush in his veins, the roaring of his blood, the white hot blindness wrecking him as his climax hit him in big broad waves.

Opening his eyes, he looked up at Jared who was now braced above him and bending his head down to catch his lips in a kiss. Tasting himself on Jared’s lips Jensen smiled. He liked how brazen Jared was, how he just went for it, and he hoped Jared would just take the liberty of fucking him now while he was still spiraling down from his orgasm.

“I haven’t come yet, you know,” Jared whispered into his ear as soon as he broke the kiss. Quickly he rolled off Jensen to reach for something and Jensen’s breath hitched in excitement. Jared was going to fuck him.

After fetching a bottle of lube and a condom, Jared wasn’t rushing like Jensen had anticipated. He took his time in kissing Jensen, wet, open-mouth kisses, sometimes even chewing his lips as he took the time to prep him, slowly opening him up. Jensen would have protested and told him he was open enough but he felt how hard he clamped down on Jared when he only had a couple of fingers up his ass. Even if he was still feeling soft and pliable from his climax, he was so utterly virginal.

There was no urgency burning in him but he was getting impatient, hooking his legs over Jared’s hips, attempting to make it clear to him that he was ready.

“Turn over,” Jared demanded as he rose to put on the condom. A shiver went through Jensen as he flopped to his stomach. Feeling Jared’s hands on his hips, pulling him to his knees was making him hard again. Jared rubbed his dick on his ass before lining it up to push inside of Jensen.

When Jared breached him, Jensen inhaled deeply, welcoming the flaring in his muscles as Jared sank in. It was a sweet pain, burning up to his chest, making him grunt and hiss.

“You okay?” Jared whispered as he bottomed out, his groin pressing into Jensen’s ass.

Unable to speak, Jensen hoped that Jared would interpret his grunt as a positive one, because he really needed Jared to move. As Jared slid back, Jensen exhaled and allowed himself to feel the sting of emptiness before he was filled again.

“God, you are so tight, I can’t … I have to …” Jared moaned as he pulled Jensen up, making him brace himself against the headboard.

Jared began to thrust hard and fast. It burned and it brought pleasure and Jensen felt sweat pearl on his forehead. The rhythm wasn’t at a perfect tempo but every stroke had Jensen rolling his eyes almost into the back of his head.

“Now, now,” Jared chanted and Jensen knew he was close. His own cock was being ignored but that wasn’t important. He wanted to feel Jared come because of him. He wanted to feel that last thrust. He wanted his name on Jared’s lips.

And he received.

Jared came, exhaling Jensen’s name again and again. Jensen kept still, feeling Jared shaking and then pulling back, bringing Jensen with him.

Tumbling down to the bed, Jared took Jensen in his arms.

“Want me to take care of you?”

Sure, Jensen was still hard but he was keener on lying there in the post-coital haze and just feel. Feel Jared and feel so powerful for bringing him to a roaring orgasm. Shaking his head, he simply snuggled closer to Jared.

“We definitely must repeat this,” said Jared after few moments. “Even if we simply end up as long distance friends with benefits.”

“Or you can be my hot handyman who comes at weekends to fix my house and then I pay you with this.”

“I think I saw a porno like that once.” Jensen felt the vibrations from Jared’s laughter.

“You’ve a filthy mind, Padalecki.”

“Yeah, and an even filthier mouth,” Jared said, reaching to kiss Jensen.

Yeah, I agree with that.

-fin

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Notes, Acknowledgements and Soundtrack - Master Post - Art Post