CWRPS Fic: You Can't Quantify Love, J2, R

[hildigunnur]

Title: You Can't Quantify Love
Author: hildigunnur
Rating: Hard R
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: No warnings
Prompt chosen: #78. Naked Attraction

One smokin'-hot look from businessman Robby Robriquet and statistician Ellie Lee wants to spontaneously combust. The sexy indulgence is definitely worth the risk—until everything goes very, very wrong….

Now Ellie has left Mississippi—and Robby—for New York City, which offers new beginnings and new men, and Ellie can't wait to dig in…. Until Robby barges back into her life.
Word count: ~5.000
Disclaimer: All figment of my imagination. No harm meant and no profit being made.
Summary: Jared Padalecki has started a new life as a Ph.D. student, hoping it will help him forget how Jensen Ackles broke his heart. It seems to be working until Jensen shows up where Jared least expects it.
Notes: Written for spn_meanttobe. My thanks to my beta, sigrundora, and I dedicate this fic to her, seeing how I got her hooked on J2. It's the least I can do.

There were times that Jared Padalecki wanted to pinch himself to see whether he was asleep and dreaming. He’d been there for almost four weeks and he still couldn’t believe he was sitting there in his own office space at NYU.

As surreal as it was for him to have been the one to be picked out of a poll of a hundred applicants for this place, the ride wouldn’t be easy. There was a heavy course load and then the little matter of one Ph.D. thesis. But it was just the distraction he sorely needed after the clusterfuck that had been those couple of years in Jackson. Well, most of it hadn’t exactly been what could be described as a clusterfuck but the last couple of months certainly had been and kind of tainted his entire stay in Mississippi.

And he knew exactly when the trouble had started. The moment he’d laid eyes on Jensen Ackles, entrepreneur extraordinaire.

When Jared wanted to prove to himself that he was indeed the rational and sensible man he aimed to be, he claimed he’d fallen in lust with Jensen. And that wasn’t all that irrational. Jensen was, after all, probably the most attractive human being Jared had ever laid his eyes on. But deep down, Jared knew it had always been more, even as he’d met Jensen’s eyes over the table in that boardroom.

That very night Jared had ended up in bed with Jensen. He’d never experienced such a relationship; that euphoria where the two people involved just couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Even when he had to visit Jensen’s company for work, they usually ended up in compromising positions somewhere; in the photocopier room, in Jensen’s en suite bathroom and one very memorable time on Jensen’s desk with the blinds closed but his secretary sitting just outside the office.

It hadn’t just been because they were so compatible sexually – there was so much more. They went on romantic dates. They cuddled after sex when it was possible though spooning on the floor of the photocopier room isn’t very comfortable for two grown men who are both over six feet tall.

Then it came all crashing down.

One minute Jared had been thinking about whether he should introduce Jensen to his parents and the next minute he was being brought in for questioning by the FBI because he had had been working with Jensen's company which was now under investigation for fraud and embezzlement.

That kind of put a damper to his relationship with Jensen, especially when Jim, Jared’s boss, had called him in and told him he would have to let him go.

“Jared, you understand, I can't really keep you on while you are involved with this investigation. You are smart and one of the best damn data analyzers I've ever met but I doubt the clients will see it the same way I see it. I'll give you glowing recommendation, don't worry about that.”

Jared still wanted things to work out between him and Jensen but when he finally worked up the nerve to go and meet Jensen to talk things through. Jensen was gone. He’d left Jackson and Jared understood very well what that meant.

Jensen hadn’t wanted him in the way he wanted Jensen.

Shaking his head, Jared looked at the desk in front of him, with articles, data inputs and various other print-outs. Being a Ph.D. student was definitely a change of pace.

As he was rifling through the piles on his desk, there was a hesitant knock on his door.

“Come in.”

“Hey there, Padalecki. I see you are already digging in.” It was Dr. Morgan, his advisor, looking strangely apologetic over interrupting Jared.

“Yeah, I need to put some order to these things if I’m going to get some proper work done.”

“Yeah, I hear you. That's why I feel awkward asking you this but I really need a huge favor and I know you’re the right guy. There’s a matter of this evening course they have going on in Adult Education program and we are working with them on. It’s a course for stock brokers and other businessmen about statistics and the stock market and I was supposed to teach it but then the Dean decided schedule meetings right when the course is on. Is there any chance you can cover for me, at least for couple of nights?”

Jared probably didn’t have time at all. He had hardly been out of his office since he arrived in New York except to crawl back to his dingy little apartment to sleep. But this was Dr. Morgan, his advisor, and it would be beneficial for him in the long run to have his advisor owing him one.

“When are the courses? And what the hell am I supposed to do?”

“On Wednesday nights at eight and well, you know it this just as well as I do. You did spend time in the jungle, right? It’s just simple something about using the numbers and the data output to have a better picture of what’s happening in the stock market.”

Sighing, Jared knew he could bullshit his way through that without any problem. This had basically been his job in Jackson and he had been scarily good at it. In fact this might prove to be relaxing and something that would take his mind of his research, something he knew he’d needed.

“Sure, Dr. Morgan. I’m free.”

“Great and please call me Jeff. It’s OK for the undergrads to call me Dr. Morgan or Professor Morgan but I kind of prefer things to be more on the egalitarian side.”

Jared laughed. He’d lucked out when he got Dr. Morgan as his advisor.

++++

He tried his best not to be late for the class. Businessmen didn’t like anyone to infringe on their time. Jared had learned that much working with them and they especially didn’t appreciate an academic to be wasting their time.

The lecture hall was slowly filling with men and women clad in business suits, brandishing their Blackberries and other assorted equipment so necessary for people with busy lives. Jared fiddled around with the computer, bringing up the power point show he was going to use and checking his mail. He didn't give much notice to the people filtering in. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t know a soul, he'd never worked in New York before and it was doubtful that the good businessmen of Mississippi would be taking an evening class at NYU.

At precisely eight o’clock, Jared looked up from the computer. There were about forty people sitting here so he decided it was time to start.

“Hello, I’m Jared Padalecki, a Ph.D. student in Statistics here at NYU and I’ll be teaching at least the first two classes of this course. I believe Dr. Jeff Morgan is signed for the course but he unfortunately had conflicting schedules and I’ll be stepping in for him. Don’t worry, I'm very familiar with the subject as I worked for a consulting company, evaluating stock portfolios and so on. Exactly the thing you've come here to learn.”

Looking at the faces, he didn't see anyone seriously displeased. There were people still coming into the lecture hall, taking seats at the back.

Jared turned away to turn on the projector and then looked back at the audience and glanced at the newcomers at the back.

And his heart stopped.

Starting back at him from the back row, was a man. A very familiar man with a familiar set of vivid green eyes. Jensen Ackles was sitting there in his class.

He must have stood there for half a minute frozen because the next thing he knew, was someone in the front row clearing their throat and saying his name.

“Mr. Padalecki, Mr. Padalecki, are you all right?”

Of course he wasn’t all right. How could he be all right when the man he probably had been in love with but then left him literally stewing in something that wasn’t even his fault to begin with?

“Yeah, sorry. Spaced out there. I promise you that I usually don't to do that.”

He then proceeded to teach, his mouth rattling off the things he knew as well as the back of his hands but his mind was somewhere else. He avoided looking at Jensen, instead he tried to focus on the front row. What on earth was Jensen doing there? Had he gone to New York to hide? Or was he following him?

Jared doubted that Jensen had followed him there. He had had few months down in Jackson to come and find him and explain why as soon as the company he'd been working for, was officially under investigation by the FBI, he had vanished. Turning up in New York now didn’t make any sense.

As far as Jared knew, Jensen hadn’t been a suspect, but both he and Jared should have noticed something in all the files they had been supposed to work with. The problem had of course been the fact that they hadn’t been paying too close attention to the files; most of their energy had gone into focusing on each other.

Jensen was here now, both reminding him of his broken heart and his professional failure. At least, he hadn’t completely screwed his career but the way his heart was beating, told him that it hadn’t been healed completely.

After an hour or so of mindless blabber about how statistics are the safest guide through the stock market with its numbers and indexes, he called for a break and pointed out the vending machines in the hallway in case anyone wanted coffee or a soft drink. He noticed Jensen lingering in the back like he was hoping for a chance to talk with him but he left the lecture hall and headed for his office which was fortunately just a couple of hallways down.

As much as he would hate it, he would have to tell Dr. Morgan he just wouldn’t be able to teach that class. He simply couldn’t face Jensen again. He had to try and forget him and he wouldn't be able to do that if he would see him every Wednesday night.
Looking at the clock, he saw he'd had to continue. He really didn’t want to go back there.

++++

The morning after, he arrived early, hoping to catch Dr. Morgan before he would have to go and growl at the undergrads. He had managed to make a run for it after the class the night before, not even checking whether Jensen had tried to approach him.

“Dr. Morgan, Dr. Morgan, can I have a word?” Jared jumped at the poor professor as soon as he saw him come in.

“Jared, what is it? Isn’t everything all right? How was the evening with the suits?”

“Yeah, I was going to talk with you about that.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t think I can teach the course.”

“What, you have somewhere to be or something?”

Jared knew he would have to come with some kind of an explanation for Dr. Morgan but after raking his brain, he hadn't come up with anything better than the truth. That there was someone in the class who probably wanted to speak with him but he didn’t want to talk to.

“It's just ... isn’t anyone else who can do it?”

“Well, I can ask Collins. But this isn't his area of expertise.” Misha Collins was a Ph.D. student like Jared but his field of research had always been computer and calculations. The janitor was just as likely as him to be an expert on the stock market.

“Another professor maybe?”

“Jared, they are all in the meetings I'm attending at that time. What is it? Why can’t you do it? You didn't think so much of it when I asked this of you.”

Maybe he just had to be a man and suck it up.

++++

The week went by all too quickly for Jared’s taste. He wasn’t ready. Not ready at all to stand in front of the lecture hall. Well, he was ready to babble something about statistics to a bunch of people who all knew exactly where the Dow Jones had stood at the closing of the market earlier. He just wasn’t ready to possibly be facing Jensen. But he had the option to tell him to go to hell and that was the option he was going to take if Jensen would try to speak to him.

He arrived precisely at eight into the lecture hall and began speaking, he avoided looking into the back row but as he gazed at the front row, Jensen was there instead. It was obvious he was going to corner Jared at the first moment he would be able to.

So as he called for a break, he didn’t make a run for it. Leaning against his desk, he waited for Jensen to come over.

Jensen took his time. Most of the other people in the class flocked into the hallway, eager to grab a Diet Coke from the vending machine so the hall soon became pretty empty except for the two of them and it was only then Jensen rose from his seat and walked to him.

“Hi, Jared.” Jensen’s tone was neutral and he was looking Jared directly in the eye.

“Jensen,” said Jared, crossing his arms over his chest.

“So you found your way to New York City.”

“Seem you’ve done the same.” The conversation was turning so painful that Jared was starting to regret not having run back to his office.

“I … Jared, I really want to talk … we kind of left things hanging. I mean, this isn’t really the place or time for that.”

He had to agree with Jensen there.

“You have to be somewhere after the class? We could have a coffee, there’s this place just up the block. Quiet, private.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” said Jensen and Jared could swear a soft smile played on his lips.

++++

The coffee shop was literally next door to the building, frequented by NYU students though it hardly ever got crowded. They found a table in a quiet corner and Jared finally allowed himself to look properly at Jensen.

If anything, Jensen was even more handsome now than he’d been back in Mississippi. Gone was the almost over-styled business man. Unlike most of the others in the evening class, Jensen hadn’t dressed up in a business suit but rather a soft-looking sweater and jeans and his hair wasn’t all slathered in hair gel but looked soft and oh so touchable.

But he wasn’t here just to look at Jensen.

“So, we needed to talk,” Jared began. “You just vanished.”

“Yeah, I’m so sorry, Jared, I didn’t mean …” Jensen looked at the table.

“You didn’t mean … Jensen, I was dragged into questioning by the Feds because they thought I had some clue what was going on in your company but you were just gone. Vanished. Your phone number disconnected. Your apartment empty. No nothing. Like the freaking earth had swallowed you up.”

“I wanted to tell you … I’m so sorry you got caught up in all that. I … Jared, I was the whistle-blower so the Feds kind of wanted me off the premises so to speak … I wasn’t taken into witness protection but they told me to leave Jackson while they were investigating. I came here because my friend Steve lives here and I stayed with him for a bit while finding work and yeah, I’m still here. I’ve to admit, I was … pleasantly surprised to find you teaching that class. I was taking it because my work pays for it and it seemed interesting. So you are a Ph.D. student now? Always knew you were smart enough …”

Jared kind of stopped hearing what Jensen was saying after he mentioned being the whistle-blower. How could he have had time to gather the evidence while they were seeing each other? It had been a miracle that Jared had managed to do any work at all.

“Jensen, how … when did you have time for … you know … realizing there was fraud being committed at your company? I mean, when we were together … I was at your office everyday and you certainly were looking at any files or anything then.”

“Jared, I’d already gone to the Feds by the time I met you.”

“Then why the hell didn’t you tell me? I was fucking brought in for questioning and Jim, remember Jim, my boss at Beaver Data and Analyzing, had to let me go because no business man in Jackson wanted me anywhere near their portfolios. I mean, I hit the jackpot by getting this place at NYU but that was luck. It’s not that I’m pissed about my job, it’s just … I thought we had something. I mean, not just the sex … don’t get me wrong, the sex was awesome but I thought we maybe …”

“Jared, I’m so sorry for everything. I wanted so much to tell you and I wanted to … when I left but I … I was too much of a coward. I thought I wouldn’t bear it if you’d hate me for leaving and leaving you in the mess.”

Jensen was looking at him like all he expected was for Jared to get up and leave and Jared knew it was the logical thing to do, the sensible thing to do. Yet he didn’t. Everything he had felt for Jensen was flooding back like a huge dam had burst inside him. Yes, Jensen had broken his heart but there was an explanation, some might say even a good one, for his disappearance.

Sighing, he took Jensen’s hand and he saw the hope come alive in Jensen’s eyes.

“I know I shouldn’t but I forgive you, Jensen. I’m not saying I’m OK with it, I mean you knew where to find me, you could have sent me some kind of message at least, but I forgive you.”

Jensen didn’t reply but he squeezed Jared’s hand, filling him with a strange kind of warmth.

++++

Despite their history together, they didn’t fall right back into bed with each other that night. Jared couldn’t help but feeling a tiny bit proud of himself of having the self-control not to invite Jensen to his place. Jensen was still the most attractive man he’d ever seen and he knew that the sex would most likely be spectacular. But even his instincts were telling him to hold back. At least for now.

His instincts, on the other hand, were all for him to ask Jensen out, preferably as soon as possible so they ended up having a date on Friday night.

That was the reason why Jared was rifling through his closet in the pursuit of his best shirt. He was quite certain that Jensen would show up in one of his designer suits and while Jared had a couple of suits, they were more fitting for a job interview or a funeral than a hot date. So a nice shirt and either slacks, if he could find them, or jeans would have to suffice.

Finding his nice black shirt, all crumpled, he had to laugh at himself. It wasn’t like he was going on his first date with Jensen, aiming to make a good first impression. Jensen already knew him pretty well.

What would matter more, would be Jared's attitude. To let the bygones be bygones. Jensen had given him a reasonable explanation and it truly was enough for him to forgive. The crux of the matter was probably whether Jared would be able to trust Jensen like he'd done before. But there was time to fix that and the date could serve as an exercise in that.

When Jensen rang the doorbell to pick him up, Jared was ready. He had to settle for his next best shirt and his best jeans but he knew they weren’t going to some yuppie restaurant that required formal wear. It was going to be more relaxed that and thankfully Jensen’s attire reflected that.

The restaurant they went to, was small and cozy and Jared became less and less anxious about the whole thing. The way he had always enjoyed Jensen’s company came rushing to him as Jensen told him of a recent hi-jinx that had happened at his work.

Jensen’s new job actually put him lower in the pecking order than he’d been in Jackson but he seemed to like it that way. Less pressure he said and Jared believed him. There was something different about him, but Jared presumed it could be chalked up to him having blown the lid of what had been happening at his old company. And maybe New York agreed with Jensen more than Jackson, like it seemed to agree more with Jared.

Maybe this was a better point to start a relationship at than where they had been back in Mississippi. Don’t get ahead of yourself, Jared reminded himself. Jensen could just as well think that their chemistry was gone or something.

“So, Jared, you are going to do academia from now on?” Jensen was looking at Jared over the rim of his glass of wine.

“Don’t know,” said Jared truthfully. He didn’t really know what he wanted to do after his Ph.D. Maybe try to get tenure somewhere though he suspected it would be hard. Academia could be competitive. “It depends probably. I like New York so I don’t think I would want to stray far away from it.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” said Jensen. “I haven’t felt this at home in any place for years. Not since I went away for college.”

It was strange to think that both of them, so far from being New York natives, felt so at home there and Jared found himself thinking about things like destiny and fate. Watching Jensen across the table, he felt those concepts become concrete – just as if they were the figures he was working with everyday. It frightened him and excited him.

“Maybe this is telling us something,” he ventured out saying and a smile played on Jensen’s lips.

“I think the fact I ended up in your class tells us something.”

Were the puzzle pieces falling into place for them? Jared could feel his heartbeat pick up and grow rapid. Kind of like in the movies. He felt his face heat up and he could swear it was not with embarrassment. There seemed to be something similar mirrored on Jensen’s face, his eyes looked bright and full of some intangible feeling that made Jared’s heart literally soar.

Almost in reverent silence did they stand up, pay the bill and head out into the brisk New York evening. Jared kept glancing at Jensen and Jensen kept looking back at him, making Jared want to giggle like a little girl. He was ready to put his heart on the line again to have this.

And that fact had them going for the fifteen blocks or so there were to Jared’s place. They were suddenly standing outside his apartment building and Jensen was looking expectantly at him. Jared didn’t feel any hesitation when he grabbed Jensen’s hand and led him in.

There was the same gravitational pull between them that had been back in Mississippi, that incredible sexual attraction but there was a difference. Jared didn’t see a mere promise of a mind-blowing night in Jensen’s smile, there was love and hope and he wanted it all.

Once inside his apartment, Jared didn’t hesitate to push Jensen against the wall and press his lips to his. They had kissed before; heated, passionate kisses mostly but this kiss was different. It was laden with all their hopes and fears. Jared could literally taste Jensen’s unspoken questions, could feel his fervent wish for them to succeed this time around and he knew that Jensen was sensing the same from him.

He broke the kiss to pull Jensen’s coat off him and pulled his own coat off too. Before his coat had dropped to the floor, Jensen had grabbed his face, kissing him again and now it wasn’t a sentimental kiss but a passionate one; Jensen pushing his tongue into his mouth, burying his fingers in Jared’s thick hair.

It was clear where this was leading and Jared didn't mind one bit to be led there. He snaked his hands around Jensen’s slim hip, pulling him tighter against him. Jensen hummed appreciatively into the kiss and wedged one thigh between Jared’s legs, causing him grow hard almost immediately. As Jensen moved his lips from Jared's mouth, nipping at his jaw, Jared tried to inch them further into the apartment.

“Shouldn't we take this to the bedroom?” He whispered, his voice thick.

Jensen didn’t answer him in words, just kissed him back on the mouth, grazing his lips with his teeth. Jared chuckled as he managed to disentangle himself from Jensen’s embrace.

“Come on.”

As soon as they were in the bedroom, Jensen assaulted him again, his fingers unbuttoning Jared’s shirt and pushing it off his shoulders. Jared was just as eager to feel Jensen’s skin under his fingers so he tried to undress Jensen as well, almost pulling his sweater and undershirt off all at once. They laughed when Jensen’s head got stuck but soon most articles of their clothing had been removed, shoes, socks, pants and shirts lying in heaps on the floor.

They were only clad in their underwear, lying on Jared’s big bed, making out like teenagers. Jared knew that they would have plenty of time to get reacquainted so it was nice to just enjoy the kisses Jensen was bestowing upon him. Having him suck on his tongue and biting his lips. It also felt incredible to let his hands roam all over Jensen’s body, down his sides, to his slim hips and over his ass. Jensen was there, a solid presence in his arms and it was everything it ever had been and it was more. The lust that had been pooling inside of him, had started burning in his veins, making him want Jensen to be as close as possible.

“Jensen, I want you ...” he whispered as Jensen was kissing down the column of his neck.

"Want me how?" Jensen’s voice was rough and seductive and Jared really couldn’t answer with words. Instead he hooked one leg over Jensen’s legs, hissing as their erections rubbed against each other.

Still kissing Jared’s neck, Jensen moved his hands down his body, grabbing his hips and titling them up before moving one hand down his ass and spreading his cheeks with his fingers. Jared couldn’t help but make a keening sound.

“You have something?” Jensen asked, barely touching Jared's hole. Pushing himself away, Jared rummaged around in the drawer of his bedstand and found what he was seeking, handing it to Jensen.

Jensen didn’t seem to be in much hurry in prepping Jared who grew impatient quickly. He started squirming, trying get Jensen’s fingers deeper but Jensen kept him pinned down.

“Patience.”

Jared tried his best but he wanted Jensen right now and patience had never been his forte. He kept writhing underneath Jensen, dragging him closer and circling his hips with his long legs. For some infernal reason Jensen seemed to be able to hold back.

“Jensen, goddamnit,” he growled and Jensen finally took a pity on him.

Feeling Jensen filling him felt like a religious experience. They had been there before but there was definitely something that had been added to the mix. A delirious helping of being in love and knowing that Jensen was feeling the same.

Jared stared up at Jensen as he built up a rhythm and while Jensen was angling his thrust, hitting that spot inside of him, making him arch up; it was that glint in Jensen’s eyes that had the blood thrumming in Jared’s eyes, and was causing everything to spiral and coil up inside of him. The physical pleasure was intense enough but the connection between them had everything soaring inside him.

Pulling Jensen down, he tried to convey everything he was feeling with a kiss. He wanted Jensen to know he didn’t doubt him, that he was sure about them, that he wanted them to be together and the way Jensen was kissing back told him that Jensen was feeling the same.

“I love you so much,” he gasped as they broke the kiss.

Jensen smiled, the smile somehow both conveying affection and wantonness.

“Love you,” he growled and claimed Jared’s lips again as he snaked one hand down to stroke Jared who arched into the touch, feeling himself tethering on the brink of climaxing for a moment. Then every nerve ending seemed to explode in a sea of sensation and he came, crying out Jensen’s name.

Within heartbeats, he could feel Jensen following him.

They lay boneless in each other’s arms, their breathing slowly regulating and Jared felt absolutely replete with emotion. He wanted to spend eternity in Jensen’s arms and he wanted to go running out into the street, exclaiming to the world that he was in love with Jensen Ackles.

“What are you thinking?” Jensen whispered as he played with Jared’s hair.

“Not about numbers, that’s for sure. I’m … we are doing this, right? It’s going to be us?”

“We already are.”

-fin